Living with my To Do List

I'm not a young person anymore. Well, maybe to my husband's 90 year old Grandmother I'm young, but in the big scheme of things, my youthful days are in the past. But I like to look on my youthful days and ponder how I've changed. I try not to think about some changes though, like my waistline, my gray hair, my failing eyes, and all the other physical changes that happen as my youth continues to wane. It's some of the other changes that have happened and are happening that bounce around in my head.

At work, I keep a legal pad on my desk at all times. It has a running "to do" list. I've kept my professional life organized this way for decades. Good grief! It really has been two decades of legal pads! But as I was flipping the page the other day, noticing how the list was more than half way down the page, I realized I wasn't panicking over the length of the list. I did a "who huh what's happening" moment in my head and thought to myself, "When did I learn to live with my 'to do' list?"

For those of you who don't know me well, God created me with an extra dose of "you gotta be responsible." I'm reminded of the line from It's A Wonderful Life, where George Bailey's dad tells him, "You were just born older, George." I know EXACTLY how that feels. So for me to leave the office at the end of the day with things left on the list is a big deal. I'd like to think that maybe I've learned to prioritize my life a little bit.

On the job, I used to feel a lot more pressure to do the things I'm supposed to do no matter what the cost. What was best for me and my life didn't even come into play. In my life now, it's more of a "what's the right thing to do" but within the scope of "what's the right thing to do for my life", not necessarily what's best for the company or the family or friends. Don't get me wrong, I still stay late at work sometimes when there are things that must be done before the next day. At the same time, it's easier for me to take off in the middle of the week when things are slow. I don't feel that pressure of "you gotta go to work or else." Or else what? Is my desk gonna be cleaned out when I come in the next day? Are they gonna change all my passwords and escort me out? No! I'm a good employee. I do a good job. As the old saying goes, "I make my mama proud."

There was a time recently, when I left a dinner with family to meet a friend at the hospital so she didn't have to be alone. My personal mental "to do list" (yes, I keep one of those too!) went out the window. And guess what, my family didn't begrudge me. I wasn't excommunicated by my loved ones. Really! I've learned that love really does go a long way. If my intention is to love my friends and family to the best of my ability, then they are willing to forgive the times I am insensitive and say the wrong thing. Sometimes, the stupidest things just fall out of my mouth! But, they love me anyway, and I don't sweat it.

So, I guess along with the passing of my youth comes a growing sense of self, and love, and peace. Scripture says,
    "Seize life! Eat bread with gusto,
   Drink wine with a robust heart.
   Oh yes—God takes pleasure in your pleasure!
   Dress festively every morning.
   Don't skimp on colors and scarves.
   Relish life with the spouse you love
   Each and every day of your precarious life.
   Each day is God's gift." Ecclesiastes 9:10 The Message

Maybe I've found my robust heart in my old age.