The Unfamiliar Holiday

Our recent move back to my home state of Texas has been a God-send in more ways than I can count. I have said throughout this process of uprooting my family back to my roots (sort of ironic) that I have made contingency plans, and God continues to make better ones. It wasn’t until the beginning of the holidays that I started to feel the struggle of everyday life again. I wondered how that could be. Wasn’t it great to be spending the days with my aging parents and wonderful siblings? Wasn’t it amazing to be back in the beautiful Texas Hill Country? Wasn’t my youngest finally at peace with herself? Wasn't it fantastic seeing my nephews make tackles and music and my niece shoot the hoops?

When sharing with a coworker about my struggles, I talked it through until it finally came to light – this holiday had nothing familiar about it. Decorating someone else’s house that we are just renting, spending time with unfamiliar family members, driving down the streets of a new town with their own Christmas traditions, learning new office holiday expectations, buying gifts for people I don't really know, and the crazy warm Texas weather. There is no big bay window to put the tree in front of, no big family gathering at our home filling its rooms with warmth and laughter, and no cutting of the Christmas tree on Thanksgiving Day for the first time in 15 years. As I sat in our living room crying last weekend, my poor husband was at a loss. “I brought you home and you are still not happy?” Oh, I wasn’t unhappy, I was just lost.

I began to think about this in the light of Christ’s birth. I cannot imagine giving birth to a child in totally unfamiliar surroundings – not to mention smelly and unsanitary. Mary, in her uncomfortable state of pregnancy, wasn’t just in an unfamiliar place geographically; she was in an unfamiliar place physically, mentally, and emotionally. She had no mom or Aunt to hold her hand and talk her through the process, no familiar weather pattern, no traditions to hold on to. She did have Joseph, but he too must have been overwhelmed by this new experience. Jesus came into this world through parents who must have felt a little lost themselves.

So as I go about the final few weeks of this first Texas Christmas, I will try to make memories of my blessed new beginning. The smiles of a happy girl, the rosy cheeks of a precious husband spreading good cheer, the giddiness of a mother happy to have her daughter back home after so long away, and most of all, the familiar love of God the Father.